Last weekend my wife gave me some \u201cadditional responsibilities\u201d and while that might sound dreadful to some, I\u2019m actually the kind of guy who craves additional responsibilities at home and at work. When you get additional responsibilities at work, it means the boss recognizes your true talents and believes that you\u2019re \u201cgrowing\u201d as an employee, so he gives you more to do \u2014 naturally with no increase in compensation. And when you get additional responsibilities at home, it means the boss thinks you\u2019re a slacker who isn\u2019t doing his fair share around the house and that if you got a salary, she\u2019d dock you. So I\u2019ve always believed it\u2019s important to accept new responsibilities to show you\u2019re industrious and dedicated and ... what\u2019s the other word ... oh yes, exploitable. In this case, I was a victim of circumstance. After my wife came down with shingles, I had to take the reins running the household. (If she reads this, I\u2019m sure she\u2019ll start ranting that I did nothing to help while she was in agony because I was too busy with more important matters, like playing Scrabble on my iPad.) When I got up Sunday morning, a grocery list with coupons from the weekly flyer was waiting for me on the kitchen table. Now, I\u2019ve gone grocery shopping before and I was more than willing to go again because if I didn\u2019t go, we\u2019d be eating Special K for breakfast, lunch and dinner and, I don\u2019t know about you, but my appetite for grain and fiber generally ends around 8:04 a.m. The problem is that every time I\u2019ve gone grocery shopping, I\u2019ve been the wingman, which means I\u2019ve dutifully followed my wife through the aisles, pushing the cart while muttering, \u201cYes, Dear\u2026 No, Dear\u2026 Whatever you say, Dear \u2026 Don\u2019t get hit in the head by that falling box of Cheerios, Dear.\u201d And every time I try to sneak something into the carriage, such as Ring Dings, peanut M&Ms or Twizzlers, she takes them out when I\u2019m not looking and leaves them on the shelf with the Huggies, or replaces them with some organic whole-grain product that tastes like compressed sawdust sweetened with agave. But this time I was in charge of this grocery mission and I drove to the very crowded supermarket, swarming with people pushing carts in every direction and rushing to get the sales items. My problems began in the produce department, where I walked back and forth, studying the different packages of romaine hearts because I couldn\u2019t find the brand my wife wanted. I looked at the coupon. I looked at the lettuce. I looked at the coupon again. Nothing resembled the picture, so I finally asked a lady for help and upon examining the coupon, she informed me: \u201cYou\u2019re in the wrong store, sweetie.\u201d This was not a good sign but at least she called me \u201csweetie.\u201d If my wife found out, I\u2019d never hear the end of it, so I grabbed any old bag of romaine lettuce and moved on in search of the olive bar\u2026 until I discovered there was no olive bar. Yes, I was definitely in the wrong store. I asked for help finding gluten-free crab cakes. They didn\u2019t exist so I bought regular, gluten-saturated crab cakes, which meant my wife wasn\u2019t going to be eating crab cakes. It was like being on a scavenger hunt. I made three complete rounds of the store because I had to keep going back down aisles again in order to find, in no particular order, gluten-free bagels, fat-free, lactose-free milk (I bought reduced fat instead and heard about it later), grape tomatoes, bananas, organic apples (I bought the non-organic apples and heard about it later), Greek yogurt, fat-free coffee creamer (I bought Half & Half and heard about it later), and AAA batteries (I bought AA batteries and really heard about it later). This was harder than taking the LSATs. The good news is I slipped in a box of Ring Dings, a jumbo bag of peanut M&Ms and some Twizzlers, which I hid in my car. I thought I was pretty slick \u2026 until my wife read the receipt. Joe Pisani may be reached at firstname.lastname@example.org.