Did I Say That? No drones, no how!
Perhaps you heard the story of the 65-year-old Virginia woman who shouldered her 20-gauge shot gun, aimed, fired and, as she described it, “blasted a drone to smithereens” that had invaded her property. She’s a regular Annie Oakley.
While she was cleaning her guns, the drone started buzzing around her yard, and she thought it was paparazzi trying to take pictures of her neighbor Robert Duvall’s home. “The man is a national treasure and they should leave him the --- alone,” she later told the media, never suspecting she’d get caught in a national brouhaha over air rights, gun rights and private property.
Drones have been shot down in Kentucky, California and other places. It’s becoming the war of the worlds. Americans don’t want their privacy invaded by drones piloted by photographers, Communists, tax assessors, insurance investigators or Facebook founder Mark Zuckerberg, who recently gave a drone to Pope Francis for some strange or sinister reason.
Our privacy is constantly being threatened. People are hacking email accounts, trying to steal our identities, gathering data on us and stalking us on the Internet. Who knows where it will lead? Probably to the One World Order with Big Sister spying on us while we’re watching Dancing with the Stars.
They could already be watching us. A few nights ago, I heard a whirring sound, and I thought it was a drone piloted by the boss or a former girlfriend from the Beatles era ... until I realized it was only the window fan.
What will happen to employees at, say, Target or the Motor Vehicles Department when management launches a fleet of drones to spy on workers and make sure they’re not gossiping at the water cooler or in the lavatory? To my thinking, that would be an infringement on their constitutionally guaranteed right to loiter during work hours. Somebody call the ACLU. (Actually, I wish I had had a spy drone when I was a managing editor because I would often ask my assistant, “What do you do all day?” I still don’t have an answer.)
Amazon and Google are moving forward with plans for drone deliveries, and later this year, Domino’s Pizza will become the first company to use a system of commercial drones in New Zealand. But do you honestly believe drones can get pizza to your apartment faster than those teenagers who get paid $8 an hour to speed down streets, terrorizing joggers and little old ladies in Oldsmobiles just so your large pepperoni pie is hot when you open the box?
I don’t want a drone hovering outside the front door holding my pizza or anything else for that matter. It’s un-American — even if you don’t have to tip them. For all we know, they could be doing neighborhood surveillance and plotting revenge on anyone eating Planet Pizza or Pepe’s. This is like something Donald Trump would institute along the Mexican border.
A few months ago, 7-Eleven conducted trials with commercial drones that deliver coffee and doughnuts, which makes me wonder what’s going to happen when Starbucks gets into the act. Will my $9.99 latte increase to $19.99 for the privilege of having it delivered to the office window on the 57th floor of the Chrysler Building?
Another drone story I read involved a multimillionaire in the Hamptons who had a 60th birthday party with hundreds of scantily clad women (that’s a phrase we trained professional journalists are licensed to used) while a drone did surveillance around his estate.
According to news reports, the drone was circling his grounds to “make sure the guests behaved” -- and probably to take photos of them if they didn’t. It would have been better if he put up a wall with razor wire and an electric fence, which is more in keeping with our country’s traditions. Judging from photos of the party, the bigger threat would have been letting those guests get out.
All this makes you wonder what will happen when married couples start sending drones to spy on their spouses. The private investigator industry will collapse … right after the delivery business.
Let's make America the greatest again — or whatever that phrase is — and not increase unemployment even more by using drones to replace pizza delivery boys, mail carriers, private investigators, waiters and waitresses, and security guards. And let’s not make the divorce rate worse.
I don’t condone shooting drones, but this is an issue of national security, which means to say I don’t want Mark Zuckerberg, President Obama, Hillary Clinton or Donald Trump looking in my bedroom window. And I certainly don’t want Bill Clinton snooping around.
Contact Joe Pisani at firstname.lastname@example.org.